Yeah, already. Can you believe it?
It's only the 5th day of the New Year, but I'm sorta determined to accomplish all my goals this year. I need to have some things to work on instead of just working and hanging out with friends and going to the beach. You know, something intellectually stimulating and spiritually fulfilling.
Well, let's see where I am (not in correct numerical order):
Goal #13. Continue yoga and meditation.
I ran into the woman who runs the meditation center a few blocks away from my place yesterday. She told me that the free basic meditation classes start Saturday, January 14. I think I understood what time they start but I need to doublecheck so I'm not there at the wrong time.
Goal #14. Work on improving myself my self-respect, compassion for others, and learning how to set boundaries.
I started the 29 Gifts project January 1st. Nothing spectacular, but it's doing a good job of making me more aware of what I have to offer just by being myself, a compassionate human being.
Goal #4. Decide whether I will continue working as an English teacher in Lima.
This goal is more about if I'm staying in Lima or moving back to San Diego. I've been thinking about this non-stop over the past few days, having lots of conversations with people about this because though I know in the end it's ultimately my decision, I do enjoy hearing other people's opinions. It makes me consider all sides. What I need to do next is start talking with fellow expats about how they made the decision to return to their home country. Yes, that's a good idea.
In the meantime, one of my dear friends from San Diego recommended that I write a pros and cons list, and though I haven't actually sat down to write it, I definitely have started one mentally. Well, maybe this is as good a time as any to write one.
Pros for Returning to San Diego
1. Become financially secure and responsible again.
Make more money at a full time job doing something I truly enjoy. Can pay off debt perhaps with the year.
It's only the 5th day of the New Year, but I'm sorta determined to accomplish all my goals this year. I need to have some things to work on instead of just working and hanging out with friends and going to the beach. You know, something intellectually stimulating and spiritually fulfilling.
Well, let's see where I am (not in correct numerical order):
Goal #13. Continue yoga and meditation.
I ran into the woman who runs the meditation center a few blocks away from my place yesterday. She told me that the free basic meditation classes start Saturday, January 14. I think I understood what time they start but I need to doublecheck so I'm not there at the wrong time.
Goal #14. Work on improving myself my self-respect, compassion for others, and learning how to set boundaries.
I started the 29 Gifts project January 1st. Nothing spectacular, but it's doing a good job of making me more aware of what I have to offer just by being myself, a compassionate human being.
Goal #4. Decide whether I will continue working as an English teacher in Lima.
This goal is more about if I'm staying in Lima or moving back to San Diego. I've been thinking about this non-stop over the past few days, having lots of conversations with people about this because though I know in the end it's ultimately my decision, I do enjoy hearing other people's opinions. It makes me consider all sides. What I need to do next is start talking with fellow expats about how they made the decision to return to their home country. Yes, that's a good idea.
In the meantime, one of my dear friends from San Diego recommended that I write a pros and cons list, and though I haven't actually sat down to write it, I definitely have started one mentally. Well, maybe this is as good a time as any to write one.
Pros for Returning to San Diego
1. Become financially secure and responsible again.
Make more money at a full time job doing something I truly enjoy. Can pay off debt perhaps with the year.
2. Spend time with my family.
Get to host family dinners. And can help my sister with my nephew, which means lots of sleepovers and adventures together.
Get to host family dinners. And can help my sister with my nephew, which means lots of sleepovers and adventures together.
3. Spend time with my friends.
Get to be with people who truly adore me for me and who would never judge me, only accept me, for who I am. They're open-minded and accepting, as well as super supportive of every step I take in my life. I have lot more friends in the U.S. so I would always have something to do with someone at any time.
Get to be with people who truly adore me for me and who would never judge me, only accept me, for who I am. They're open-minded and accepting, as well as super supportive of every step I take in my life. I have lot more friends in the U.S. so I would always have something to do with someone at any time.
4. More opportunities to travel.
Once I pay off my debt and become financially stable again, I can take whatever extra money I have to travel again. I can travel around California, the American West and Northwest, Canada. I can even return to South America and finally visit Buenos Aires, Montevideo, and Santiago.
Once I pay off my debt and become financially stable again, I can take whatever extra money I have to travel again. I can travel around California, the American West and Northwest, Canada. I can even return to South America and finally visit Buenos Aires, Montevideo, and Santiago.
5. The best weather in the U.S.
I don't have allergies in San Diego, and it's sunny 330 days of the year. The beaches are spectacular, and my favorite beach isn't too crowded during the summer. The sunshine is glorious and the sky has big fluffy white clouds. And when it rains in winter, it actually rains and you just take that day to not go anywhere and just relax at home.
Cons for Returning to San Diego
1. I've changed.
I'm not the same person who first stepped off that plane on January 8, 2011 or returned again April 9, 2011. No, not at all. My behavior has changed a lot, and I'm a little worried about how I'm going to adapt to living again in the U.S. Some behavior changes are for the better because they helped me adapt to living here in Lima, but I think these changes wouldn't be accepted back in the U.S. Like how if you're mad, you just let it out for a minute or two and then you're done. No more. That would be seen as crazy in the U.S., but I don't want to do the American way of repressing my emotions in unhealthy ways.
I don't have allergies in San Diego, and it's sunny 330 days of the year. The beaches are spectacular, and my favorite beach isn't too crowded during the summer. The sunshine is glorious and the sky has big fluffy white clouds. And when it rains in winter, it actually rains and you just take that day to not go anywhere and just relax at home.
Cons for Returning to San Diego
1. I've changed.
I'm not the same person who first stepped off that plane on January 8, 2011 or returned again April 9, 2011. No, not at all. My behavior has changed a lot, and I'm a little worried about how I'm going to adapt to living again in the U.S. Some behavior changes are for the better because they helped me adapt to living here in Lima, but I think these changes wouldn't be accepted back in the U.S. Like how if you're mad, you just let it out for a minute or two and then you're done. No more. That would be seen as crazy in the U.S., but I don't want to do the American way of repressing my emotions in unhealthy ways.
2. Life in San Diego isn't a challenge for me.
I know just about everything the city has to offer. This time a year, I realized that I had outgrown it. But I would have to live there to stay with my family or friends to get back on my feet again. That will probably take a year to get in a good place financially, and then maybe I will follow my dream of the past 10 years to move to San Francisco. Now that would be a challenge for me to start again in a new city, though culturally it would not be a challenge at all. In the meantime, San Diego would only be a transitional place until I was ready for my next step. I don't know if that would satisfy me, but perhaps it's more about being rational and pragmatic right now so I can follow my heart later.
I know just about everything the city has to offer. This time a year, I realized that I had outgrown it. But I would have to live there to stay with my family or friends to get back on my feet again. That will probably take a year to get in a good place financially, and then maybe I will follow my dream of the past 10 years to move to San Francisco. Now that would be a challenge for me to start again in a new city, though culturally it would not be a challenge at all. In the meantime, San Diego would only be a transitional place until I was ready for my next step. I don't know if that would satisfy me, but perhaps it's more about being rational and pragmatic right now so I can follow my heart later.
3. I would miss my friends.
I adore my friends here. I've mentioned before that I have a very tight circle of friends, and they would do anything for me, just as my friends back in the U.S. would, too. But these friends have really seen me through some difficult times and accept me for me and don't ask me to change. They don't expect that I'll become more Peruvian with time. They have patience in explaining things to me that I just don't understand. They truly accept and love me for who I am. That's a rarity here in Lima where though there are a lot of foreigners living here, most Peruvians stick with their own. To be accepted for me as a foreigner is a real gift, and my friends have given this to me.
I adore my friends here. I've mentioned before that I have a very tight circle of friends, and they would do anything for me, just as my friends back in the U.S. would, too. But these friends have really seen me through some difficult times and accept me for me and don't ask me to change. They don't expect that I'll become more Peruvian with time. They have patience in explaining things to me that I just don't understand. They truly accept and love me for who I am. That's a rarity here in Lima where though there are a lot of foreigners living here, most Peruvians stick with their own. To be accepted for me as a foreigner is a real gift, and my friends have given this to me.
4. And yes, I might even miss the drama.
This one right this second I wouldn't miss, but once you get accustomed to something, it's quite possible that you find yourself actually enjoying it. A lot of drama exhausts me and makes me feel sick, but a little spice is just right. But as long as I avoid getting entangled with people who seem to feed off drama, I manage to keep my life reasonably calm and peaceful with just the occasional event that gives me a little excitement and passion in my life. I think it's possible I would get bored in San Diego without any good old-fashioned Peruvian telenovela drama to keep things interesting.
5. I may feel like a failure.
Just follow my train of thought for a minute. If I stay here in Lima, it's quite possible I could eventually get a good paying job. Lots of people at Nextel have a stable enough finances to travel, maybe even more than the people I know back in the U.S. What's different about them is that they speak Spanish, but that's the only thing that separates them from me. Once I have a work visa, and then Peruvian residency, I am capable of having a good job here doing whatever I choose to do. But first I need to become better skilled at speaking, reading, and writing Spanish.And that was always one of two goals, (the other being to travel around South America). So if I didn't accomplish that, then what have I really been doing here these past 9 months? Don't I want a feeling of accomplishment instead of one of failure?
This list will grow more. I have some seemingly superficial things to add, like how I'd miss the food here in Peru and the new sites, as well as a more important one of the challenge of trying to make my way in another culture, which is both a pro and a con right now.
Perhaps the meditation classes will help me. That'll be a neat challenge because they're in Spanish, and though I do know how to meditate, just being a part of a group of people who are interested in the same will be good. And you never know who I could meet or what experience will help guide me to make the right decision for me.
This one right this second I wouldn't miss, but once you get accustomed to something, it's quite possible that you find yourself actually enjoying it. A lot of drama exhausts me and makes me feel sick, but a little spice is just right. But as long as I avoid getting entangled with people who seem to feed off drama, I manage to keep my life reasonably calm and peaceful with just the occasional event that gives me a little excitement and passion in my life. I think it's possible I would get bored in San Diego without any good old-fashioned Peruvian telenovela drama to keep things interesting.
5. I may feel like a failure.
Just follow my train of thought for a minute. If I stay here in Lima, it's quite possible I could eventually get a good paying job. Lots of people at Nextel have a stable enough finances to travel, maybe even more than the people I know back in the U.S. What's different about them is that they speak Spanish, but that's the only thing that separates them from me. Once I have a work visa, and then Peruvian residency, I am capable of having a good job here doing whatever I choose to do. But first I need to become better skilled at speaking, reading, and writing Spanish.And that was always one of two goals, (the other being to travel around South America). So if I didn't accomplish that, then what have I really been doing here these past 9 months? Don't I want a feeling of accomplishment instead of one of failure?
This list will grow more. I have some seemingly superficial things to add, like how I'd miss the food here in Peru and the new sites, as well as a more important one of the challenge of trying to make my way in another culture, which is both a pro and a con right now.
Perhaps the meditation classes will help me. That'll be a neat challenge because they're in Spanish, and though I do know how to meditate, just being a part of a group of people who are interested in the same will be good. And you never know who I could meet or what experience will help guide me to make the right decision for me.
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